Esotropiart

And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son."

Revelation 21:5-7 ESV

Okay, Lord, I'm listening! Or perhaps I'm not (in general), and that's why You have to use such tactics to get my attention!

The transforming truths through the Word of God that I'm experiencing lately are nothing new folks. In fact, probably just about everyone reading - if you have the patience to keep up with it all - are thinking to yourselves, "Huh? This is nothing new! What's up with this? It sounds like 'new-Christian over-excitement syndrome'. He's getting way too excited about nothing! He needs to settle down and face 'real life'!"

If you're thinking there's nothing new about the things I'm sharing, you're right! It's been in the Scriptures for thousands of years, staring us all in the face. The problem is to first read it. The second challenge is to allow it to sink in, change us, and convict us to do something, or rather be something!

I believe God Himself through the Holy Spirit is the One revealing these truths to me through His Word. While I believe the Holy Spirit is fully capable and allowed to tell me something new or dispense special revelations, I don't necessarily think that is happening here. I believe rather what is happening is that the truths I already knew are finally becoming real to me. He is answering my prayer, my heart's desire to "move God 18 inches, from head to heart (gut)" (greatly influential on my life - Pastor Jack Hatfield's words). I have never suffered from a horribly lacking knowledge of God's Word - though my understanding is nowhere near perfect. Rather, my frustration has been to have all this knowledge transform me, both in heart attitude and action. In short, Hortence Heart was jealous of Brewster Brain. Now they are both being satisfied with tasty food.

How can I communicate what's going on in a way that will - as I hope - help others to experience much the same? I DON'T KNOW! I feel like repeating the same thing over and over again because I don't know what else to say! God has transformed me! I have to pray, along with those who desire for some of the same Spirit, that He will honor such a desire. The challenge to our faith comes in the waiting. God is sovereign, and He doesn't always answer our prayers 1) in the way we expect, and 2) in the timing we demand. My life is the ultimate case in point: God's timing was not my own. What I hoped would happened years ago took that much time to produce fruit in me. A great tragedy seemingly had to happen first. I got no wife now! You think that's happy and cheery? Think again! It's indescribable hurt to lose the only one who matters much at all! Yet I rejoice in my suffering!

I wouldn't wish tragedy on anyone - certainly not the outcome I've been dealt. So please, read and consider the failures and sorrow of others - like me - who have "been there". Spare yourself the same fate. I hope, if nothing else, the example of a discouraging story will inspire others to action, to safeguard themselves.

The presence and power of the Holy Spirit in the life of a Christian should be coveted above all else, and I encourage anyone wishing to be transformed or freed in their spiritual life to seek the Holy Spirit at any cost! There's nothing or no one in this world that should be put above Him. In fact, we should follow Paul's example and consider all things loss, even our lives! There is nothing we can be unwilling to part with in order to meet with Him, to know Him and to be transformed by the Truth and the Light!

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith - that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

Philippians 3:7-11 ESV

Huh? Broken record? Deja vu? Remember, everything you hear repeated in a lecture twice is important, and you'd do well to remember it. Anything repeated three times or more is sure to be on a test, so you better write it down! It's also said:

Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Matthew 10:34-39 ESV

What spurned this thought? Literally every Sunday at church, what elder Dave preaches about directly relates to what the Spirit has been showing me in His Word prior to that. His sermons totally reinforce and empower like nuts! I get so excited I want to kick my feet in the air rapidly. I don't have any special meetings with the pastor to make sure I'm studying or considering the topics in advance. The Spirit does this for me. So, what is fairly ordinary or routine "heard that before" truth becomes active and alive - a two-edged sword to my life and soul!

Among other examples that I hope to cite later (to give God the glory), the specific "coincidence" that led me to write this particular blog entry comes from Luke 10. I met with Dave before service on Sunday, and we talked about some great and encouraging things - primarily how we sense the Spirit is working in our lives and in the world right now. Quite a number of passages came up in our discussion. One of them was from Luke 10. I recently set up Winamp at work with a new playlist (the MegaMix). It has a number of songs mixed in with the entire New Testament, chapter by chapter. Altogether it is 441 tracks. I have them randomized in the list, and also have the shuffle feature turned on. There is no way telling which track is going to be played next while I'm working. Maybe a song will play, or a random chapter of any book of the New Testament. As I started playing from the MegaMix this morning, a couple songs started the queue. The first passage to follow them was Luke 10, the very one Dave and I had just talked about the day prior! Hmmm... must be "coincidence" [rolling eyes].

It's a shame it takes that sort of seemingly miraculous intervention and "unlikely probability" for God to get through to me, to speak truth and have me listen. It's equally shameful to assume things like this are just coincidence, fearing a path toward superstition. Are we numb to His Word and His work in our lives? Do you read the Bible or hear sermons regularly and feel like you're not "getting anything out of it"? I've been there, done that: time and time again (and again). So what's the missing ingredient? The Holy Spirit of God. Am I saying you don't have the Spirit if you are struggling in your devotions? Not at all. However, I challenge you to ask for more of the Spirit! What can it hurt? Only believe that you will receive. Faith is a key ingredient to all things spiritual. God blatantly requires it.

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

Hebrews 11:6 ESV

Speaking of Jesus, John says in his Gospel:

He who comes from above is above all. He who is of the earth belongs to the earth and speaks in an earthly way. He who comes from heaven is above all. He bears witness to what he has seen and heard, yet no one receives his testimony. Whoever receives his testimony sets his seal to this, that God is true. For he whom God has sent utters the words of God, for he gives the Spirit without measure. The Father loves the Son and has given all things into his hand. Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.

John 3:31-36 ESV

Okay, great, right? Jesus gets the Spirit without limit. But we are stuck with doubt, and it seems like miracles don't happen anymore. Not to mention, how do we know when the Spirit is telling us stuff, or it's just our own minds? Isn't it dangerous to act upon stuff that we "feel"? We just have to endure "the crud" until Jesus returns and takes us away from this dump, right? Well, yeah, I feel that way quite a bit of the time too. And there's some truth to be found there, as all of creation is grumbling, the time is short, and our enemy is roaring like a lion, ready to devour.

You know all those passages about prayer and faith? All we have to do is ask for anything in His name, and we will receive it, right? Do you get discouraged by that, and it seems more a stumbling block than a call to faith? You've tried, and it doesn't seem to work. It forces you to conclude that either you didn't pray "right", or God isn't fulfilling His promises. Trust me, I struggle with it too. It does NOT, however, make me want to scream at our Maker or doubt His existence or doubt His goodness. I just continue in faith, believing even though I don't see. Sure, I shout out a complaint every once in a while. I admit, it all confuses me too. The way I think of it, if it was easy, what faith would be required? If we could see it all immediately, wouldn't we just reduce God Almighty - the Lord of Hosts - to a genie to do our bidding? Rather, forbid it. He is Lord Supreme! Who are we to question the One who made not only all things, but us as well?

I want to give a testimony of the Light of God. The Holy Spirit of God has been transforming me from the inside out. He has given me a great desire to absorb the Word of God. When I listen to or read it, I almost can't handle it because something invariably pops off the page.

Is all this I'm saying annoying to you? I know I used to get a bit perturbed when people have nothing to say except positive stuff like that. I just figure it's a phase or "high" they are going through. I thought, "Yeah, I've certainly had those experiences before, so I know it 'can happen' - but it probably won't last." Cynicism and the difficulties of life caused me to assume it would all be momentary... as if God jumps around here and there to do sparse work - as if He's sleeping or He can't keep up with giving proper attention to each person every whim. I'm not describing truth, nor am I describing what I believe. I'm saying these things because I think they are common feelings, and I'll bet you guys have felt some of these things at times too, as I most certainly have.

So what? Do I have a miraculous answer? Is there a 1-2-3 step process, each step beginning with the letter 'P', and they just happen to rhyme? Sorry, no. So what good is it to even share what's going on with me? Am I bragging or trying to gain attention for myself? If it just makes those who are struggling say, "Good for you, what about me?", what good is it?

I can't shut up, regardless! Don't dare make me. God is working in my life, and it's not fake. It's not a momentary delusion that I've created in my spare time to help me not feel so lonely, now that I'm wifeless. No! No! No! If I'm boasting, I'm boasting in what God is doing, not me.

God showed up. Or rather, the dullard (me) who saw nothing but darkness has been transformed by the Light, scales dropped off eyes. God was there all along. His Spirit is doing this. It's not my effort. In fact, I was in sin. That's a big part of the cause of all this crap and struggles in my life. I had no strength left to even seek God, much less fool myself with artificial spiritual awakening and extraordinary God interaction! I would have perished in sorrow after one day of those efforts had God not intervened.

Not only that, but God is sustaining His work in me. It's not a one day delivery and everything is peachy. Nor is it a immediate fix, and then He goes on to other things in the heavenly realms, trusting me to coast on my own ability through life, hopefully with enough of His fuel from that one event to make it over some small bumps.

Yes, God did do something amazing almost in an instant for me. However, the process following that amazing thing has been painful. I've had severe ups and downs. Furthermore, if He did the instant thing and left me on my own, I'd not have strength to sustain myself - probably not for a single day! He upholds me every single day. I don't suspect I'll ever be self-sustaining. I don't WANT to be. If I am, it means I have forgotten God, and that all good things come from Him. Life is not about success, money, victory, happiness, comforts, status, possessions and appearances. Those things are nice - and God is generous to supply His children - but life is more about knowing the One who both gives and withholds those things. God doesn't even promise everything will be perfect and easy for us (in fact, much the opposite). Even if life is painful, torturous and fleeting, it's still summed up in knowing the One who sustains and provides eternal hope.

So, we are still in the "So what!?!" phase, I realize. I haven't given an answer yet. Nothing practical. Just another guy who has a bunch of stuff to say, stuff that's a burden in its length and poor writing style. I'm truly sorry. I wish I had a preacher's charisma to share better what's going on. Yet I don't. Nor do I have magical equations or prescriptions to solve every problem known to man.

Dare I fail to share what God is doing, however, I'm a fool! His investment in me is not just for me. The message is crystal clear: share it openly and freely. Shall I die tomorrow and not have shared what God has done? No! Each and every day I will figuratively scream aloud His good works in me!

So have no fear of them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops.

Matthew 10:26-27 ESV

Normally what is whispered in your ear is an implied secret. However, I'm sick of secrets, and in this case, I believe I'm being told not to keep them! May the good and bad of my life serve as an example. Some day it will all be exposed. I am not ashamed, for it is God who justifies. Jesus' blood has covered me, I have new garments, and the Holy Spirit has fallen on me. There is no one to condemn except the Lord Himself... and He has mercifully chosen otherwise. So what have I to fear? What can mere man do to me?

In the end, because of the presence and power of the Holy Spirit working in me, I believe I do have a few "answers" that will help people. I'm still working on them. Some of them have been revealed already in my pathetically written blog. My writing tends to be quite verbose and hard to follow. It is because as I start writing, brand new discoveries flow in like crazy. I feel I have to record them before they vanish. My writings aren't conclusions or answers that I'm sharing. They are rather morphing and growing as more is understood. I'm on a journey just like everyone else.

I find it immensely difficult to develop a well-developed thesis and reinforce it with supporting points. I learned some of that writing style stuff back in high school, but that was 12 years ago, and I wasn't paying that close attention then! The revelations and treasures from the Spirit have brought me to my knees, made me dance and jump, strike fists in the air, weep at length, and more. Yet amid all this emotion and power I can't seem to communicate my thoughts well. I read them and think, "This isn't going to mean anything to anyone else." It frustrates me! Yet I must believe God will use me, in spite of my self-doubt.

My plan is to reorganize some of these thoughts over the next several months. I am developing a format and venue to present them. I believe I am called by God to do this - at least, to do something. My suffering has not been in vain. My deliverance is to be shared. My cup overflows, and I don't want it to go to waste! There's something in me that has use for someone else. That "something" is the Holy Spirit of God! That something is the truth of the Word of God, written in my heart!

Please don't herald me as anything great or congratulate me on what seems to be "going the right direction" or anything like that. My victory and power is the very realization that I can do nothing at all. It is God who is working here. Praise Him! I don't need recognition. I don't want credit. I'd feel a looming sickness, as a thief. For it is God's solid gold refined by fire seven times that has the power to save! I am but a stubborn instrument in His hands. I'm thankful to be alive in Him. I'm thankful to know Him, to call Him Lord and Father. He is my portion, and I need no other. Sometimes my flesh cries out for something else, but I must crucify it with the shed blood of Jesus and take all thoughts captive, for nothing can satisfy like my God! He is my Love, my Light, my Life, and my Salvation! Amen.

Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD of hosts.

Zechariah 4:6 ESV

After all this, I did perhaps little else but ramble. Hunt for it, and you might find something. I bet if you do, it will be colored green. Again, don't skip passages, for they are the Word of God. The rest is perhaps the ravings of one gone mad! Nevertheless, my "madness" is from God, for I am crazy about Him! His Word is making me crazy!

I leave this post with this thought, from Luke 11. I hope it is a practical one. Before I even read this passage, God did what it says. Before I even asked, He answered. Furthermore, as I discovered the principle captured here, nothing but amazing things have happened since. Does it seem like God doesn't do miracles anymore? Are you afraid to ask Him for something, only to be disappointed when He doesn't give an immediate and exacting answer? Ask for the Spirit. I dare you!

Believe and plead humbly and sincerely with all your heart and don't relent, and I believe for your sake He will answer. You might find that, with the Spirit, not only will some of the "stuff" you thought was important fade away, but you might have faith to ask for things according to the will of God... and you can be confident to receive that, even if you can't "see" it (Huh? More on that another time - just in case I forget, and you're interested, read repeatedly Hebrews 11 in light of this preceding, confounding thought).

Think well and carefully on this passage from the Gospel of Luke. Consider how specific the conclusion is to such a lengthy description of prayer... doesn't it sound weird? I bet you thought it was going to say, "How much more will the heavenly Father give to His children whatever they ask for". Nope, while He says stuff of that nature in other passages (The Gospel of Matthew records it that way you were thinking), we'd be fools not consider the implications of this very specific answer here, since all Scripture is inspired and useful. I hope you don't miss it. It's kind of the point of everything I just wrote. Trust me, it's very practical! Not sure what to pray for? Have you become so cynical that you think prayer makes no difference, and God's just going to do whatever He wants no matter what we ask? Or better yet, would you be willing to submit to such a harsh reality as a submissive servant and creature, if He doesn't answer at all (not saying this is the case, but there's a principle of humility there)? Listen up. Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead!

And he said to them, "Which of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and say to him, 'Friend, lend me three loaves, for a friend of mine has arrived on a journey, and I have nothing to set before him'; and he will answer from within, 'Do not bother me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed. I cannot get up and give you anything'? I tell you, though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his impudence he will rise and give him whatever he needs. And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

Luke 11:5-13 ESV