Esotropiart

Life hurts sometimes. Can I get an "Amen"? Oh how I wish my suffering or inner turmoil could be alleviated by a simple act of will power. When I look at my life's comparatively simple plight and consider the greater suffering and injustice served others, I get annoyed with myself. I am in a situation of great blessing. God not only provides for all my basic needs, but He has abundantly blessed me in the spiritual realm. Not only am I alive in Christ and set apart for eternity, but God has answered my prayer of desperation and has dosed out His Holy Spirit to me when I asked it of Him.

Every time I say or write these truths, I feel better. Rehearse! Yet tomorrow or the next hour my flesh will forget again. I was realizing again today the ironic blessing I have of poverty in spirit, particularly manifest in recent months. I don't know if I should clap for God for arranging such a beautiful and fortunate dependence or weep because I am annoyed how consistently and easily hurt and crushed I seem to be. The glory is that because I'm so weak, I am forced in my hurting moments to turn to God. Then I feel pathetic because I can't bear up under the light load entrusted to my easily bruised shoulders. I read God's Word and am delivered. A cycle of sorts.

I have often believed my best cure is to serve others. When I have too much time alone, my thoughts inevitably turn to my own concerns and desires. I find great joy in serving. It is a largely unexplored path, one I wish to traverse down more in coming months. I love the irony of this: feel like junk, so help others. Logic would dictate others serving me because I feel like junk. Nevertheless, I know the truth. Healing comes when perspective is gained. The troubles will not cease, but they cease to be so troubling.

As poorly communicated as these thoughts are, they were inspired by a reading of a verse from the book of Jonah, which I saw while looking at one of my pieces of "artwork", 3D Prayer Room. It is a good verse because it describes my daily sojourning (a word I would never use had I not been reading the Old Testament in the ESV, where it is used repeatedly). I live daily life. Something small hurts me or sets my face downcast. I remember the Lord and pray to Him. Perspective is gained (I'm not in the "belly of a whale", like some are after all) and comfort received. I am completely reliant on Him, and for this I am thankful. I used to be swallowed up in life. Now I feel more swallowed up in Christ.

When my life was fainting away,
I remembered the Lord,
and my prayer came to you,
into your holy temple.

Jonah 2:7 ESV