Esotropiart

Today there was a musical theme going on. In the morning, I decided to listen to music instead of the Bible. I am pretty selective with my music choices and generally listen to Christian stuff - that will build me up or encourage me in some fashion. I don't do this to be goodie two shoes or legalistic, nor would I condemn a brother or sister for listening to secular stuff. It is a personal conviction for me because I have discerned that music has an intense effect on me. All my life I've collected only CDs that minister to me in very specific ways - either 1) to comfort me in very lonely and sad times, 2) worship God passionately, 3) challenge or convict me of spiritual things , or 4) make me happy with a great "vibe". I generally think to myself before making a selection, "What sort of mood am I in... what is it that I need to hear?"

I decided I needed to listen to Rescue's latest album, "Before the Throne". Let me tell you, this is a great CD! Me likey. Not only is Rescue's music very well arranged and distinctive, but almost invariably the songs they choose are very powerful for ministry. "Rescue" is a fairly accurate term that describes some of the themes found in their music. Many a time I have been rescued by turning on their spiffy tunes.

I randomly decided to give Rescue's web site a quick visit. I noticed the designer's link at the bottom and decided to click on it. I'm not a big fan of Flash only sites (especially when the entire site is contained in a pop-up that gets blocked), but I was impressed with the music on the designer's web site. Aaron Altemose, I can see, is an extremely gifted individual. Not only does he apparently do Flash web design work, but he is a brilliant musician. Looking through his song selections, I was astounded at the rich sound and variety of styles represented.

Looking at Aaron's site reminded me of my great interest in music. My interest is more of a distant dream, and I have scarce done anything about it. Little known fact: I feel like I missed the chance to become a musician - not for fame or career... but perhaps to the same degree that I am a "artist" now. It's possible I may have more musical bones in me than I have visual arts skills. I'm not a musical prodigy by any means. I struggle to learn just like many people. Nevertheless, I feel music moves me greatly. I often have tunes in my head, and I wish I had a way to record them. It's much the same as with my art - bunch of ideas that I can't translate into reality.

For a number of years I was enthralled with digital music. I downloaded a bunch of sound-related computer applications called "trackers", as well as some synthesizers. I messed with ModTracker a bit, but was more fascinated at the time with the power offered by Jeskola Buzz. I wrote a few simple melodies, but didn't invest much time to produce anything of musical merit. Rather, I spent countless hours appreciating the work of others, downloading digital tracks that I throw under the title of "MOD files". This style of music - though theoretically unlimited in variety - is one of my favorites. It is similar in nature to some music found in video games, which I also often like. Though digitally produced music can sound exactly like any style of music or set of physical instruments, typically there are elements included that are synthesized or otherwise computer-generated. I find myself attracted to the depth that is offered by this genre, though there is definitely some that really stinks. modarchive.com is the authoritative site to host and download such music tracks.

Linked to from modarchive I noticed yet another piece of software - fortunately open source - that I downloaded and may mess with some day (though probably not). It's called MadTracker. It looks like it has some potential for being a useful music creating tool.

Back when I was into all this stuff I envisioned myself becoming a digital musician. There was not a strong enough pull to inspire me to stick with it though. Now, I'm trying to learn to play the guitar (snail's pace) and wish I could play the piano. But again, I don't have great motivation to push myself to my limits. I've always been pretty lazy in my musical pursuits, wishing that the skill would just be natural, rather than resulting from continuous and regimented practice.

Perhaps with some early training or lessons, I might have had an entirely different life, with very different interests and scenes. Now, I tend to see myself as having missed the musical opportunities in life. There are several things I always thought would be ideal for life and work - I guess you could call these things my "American Dreams". I wanted to either 1) be a professional musician, specifically leading worship or touring as a Christian artist, 2) be a martial arts master to the degree that I could make a living off of it, either by performing or teaching others, 3) make video games, or 4) own my own business that has some form of very creative output, possibly in the form of silly entertainment. All of these dreams seemed completely unattainable, so I pursued not a one. Now I feel old, not so sharp, and incapable of pursuing anything dreamy. It would have been interesting to see how my life might have turned out had I pursued one of these dreams fervently.

As the musical theme progressed, my friend Chris sent me an email with a song he thought I might appreciate. What are the chances - on the very day I take a break from constant Bible reading by listening to music and thinking about music! It was a nice instrumental piano piece, inspired by the passage of Scripture Dave preached on last Sunday. I appreciated the arrangement, and it helped to spur all the musical thoughts above and in the other post about the Song of songs (which was my attempt to start this post here... and went off on a tangent), in turn also helping me to think about other things regarding Christ, His church, and what I see as profound mysteries. So thanks for sharing that song, Chris.