I'm helpless, not because life is too much for me, not because I lack the faith to face the darkness... but because I need Thee, I want Thee. No Thee is enough for me until I see Thee. If I was Adam, I would have done the same thing he did, I'm sure. Instead of taking what he knew to be sin to You with whom he walked every morning and asking You what he should do, He hid from you and committed the world's first sin. I've done this so many times myself as well. However, I'm at the point where I lack the strength to do wrong anymore. I've seen the high cost that comes with making bad choices, and I can bear to make them no more. I am so broken that I cannot do anything but sit and wait, wait to hear from the Lord. I refuse to make faithless choices, and I must hear from Him. My life is at a standstill until I hear the voice of the Lord. I have sinned. I am Adam. Instead, I have chosen to take my state to the feet of the Father. I weep before Him and ask Him, "What will You do with me? What will you do with all I have laid at Your feet? I have nothing left that I wish to preserve, to keep from You. I have nothing to hide, all is laid bare. What I thought was my own, what I held most dear has been taken from me. What else do I have? I have You alone. If You won't take me, if You will not use what I have to offer, then life is vanity. If there's nothing of use at Your feet, then wash me away in Your flood. But You can use the worst in us. You can heal the brokenhearted. You have room to work, as I have no strength left to push or pull with. Pull me here, push me there. I long to feel your hands, even if in discipline. Father, wash my slate, restore my broken heart. Use me, and don't let me become what I once was. Purify my heart. Cause what beats in me to beat for You. I am nothing, yet You consider me more than I dare to dream. You died to set me free! If my soul is Your reward, if my life is what You died for and what You love... well then use it all, take it all! I dare not keep from You, God, what You love! I offer myself, for I have nothing else to give."
This song came to mind, and I sadly (my sad skills) played it prior to writing that prayer. This song is so much my prayer; I can't begin to describe how much so.
I Need Thee Every Hour
I need thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
no tender voice like thine can peace afford.
I need thee, O I need thee;
every hour I need thee;
O bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee.
I need thee every hour; stay thou nearby;
temptations lose their power when thou art nigh.
I need thee every hour, in joy or pain;
come quickly and abide, or life is vain.
I need thee every hour; teach me thy will;
and thy rich promises in me fulfill.
I need thee every hour, most Holy One;
O make me thine indeed, thou blessed Son.